How to Initiate BDSM with Your Partner

You’ve seen 50 Shades of Grey, and The Secretary, and now you’re ready to try something different in the bedroom. But sharing your BDSM desires with your partner could be a daunting prospect. This is more because of misconceptions rather than what BDSM really is. It can an exciting way to push your boundaries and explore new experiences as BDSM is based on mutual consent, open communication and respect.

So, if you’re ready to give BDSM a try and wondering how to break the news to your partner, here are some things that could help.

Starting the Conversation

Talking about BDSM could elicit various emotions in both of you. Enthusiasm, anxiety and even confusion are all common reactions when broaching the subject. So, remember to start the conversation with a sense of collaboration and empathy. Begin by asking your partner what they know about BDSM and how they feel about it. Take it slow. You don’t want to pressure them or make them uncomfortable.

Talk About Desires but Set Boundaries

Now is the time to discover what each of you is comfortable with. While one of you might enjoy spanking, the other might want to try out handcuffs. If this is the first time trying BDSM for both of you, start with discussing fantasies to open the dialogue. Respect each other’s desires and interests because BDSM is erotic only when both partners are enjoying it equally. This also means discussing boundaries and setting limits to what you should try in the beginning. Remember to also understand what role each of you is comfortable with. This will help determine the submissive and dominant roles.

Decide on Safe Words

Safe words are essential regardless of how experienced you might be at BDSM. These are words that will signal a stop to the sex play. Make sure it is non-sexual in nature, so that you can easily distinguish it from the ongoing role play. Keep the word simple and neutral. Some popular ones include yellow, banana, Oklahoma. This will help ensure that the experience remains safe and comfortable for both partners and you don’t get carried away in the heat of the moment.

Keep Communication Open

Continue to discuss and check in with your partner regularly, during sex play and even after. This will help both of you understand each other better – what excites you, what makes you uncomfortable, where you would like to take the role play next and so on. Keeping the conversation going is a great way to keep the excitement up and try new accessories, acts and positions in future.

Our Final Word

BDSM can be a very exciting addition to your sex life. But given that it could get rough and involves dominance-submission and/or sadomasochism, make sure to take care of each other’s emotional needs afterwards. What you do during BDSM does not define your overall relationship with your partner. This is why what you do after and between BDSM sessions matters. So, go ahead and push your boundaries together while ensuring that both partners are comfortable and safe when trying new things.

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