Sex is good for you, especially when the sex is good! Did you know that when you orgasm, your body is flooded with oxytocin, the happy hormone? Want more reasons for frequent rolls in the hay? It’s good for heart health and self-esteem. It also reduces depression and stress, possibly due to all that oxytocin! The problem is that between work, kids, the economy and various other life pressures, fulfilling your fantasies in bed also seems more like a fantasy.

But sex doesn’t need to only be about intercourse. It can be anything that gives you erotic pleasure. From sexting to caressing, everything counts. So, are you ready to elevate your sex life? Here’s what you need to know.

Open the Communication Channels

Talk to your partner about your needs and desires and encourage them to share with you too. Research shows that sharing intimate fantasies can lead to a healthier relationship and better sex. If you aren’t ready to talk about your private thoughts, start by writing them down and letting your partner read them. They can do the same. This will get you on the path to talking dirty, which can be a huge turn-on.

Get to Know Each Other’s Bodies

Touching, caressing, cuddling and kissing can all be wonderful ways to maintain and strengthen your bond. Even if you’re tired or stressed on a particular day, simply cuddle for some emotional support. You don’t even need to talk. Physical affection is a good way to become intimate without the pressure to perform. So, think about soaking in the bath together while touching each other. How about a sensual massage? Show each other how you like being touched and what arouses you. Use your mouth and hands to stimulate each other. You could even masturbate one another or try oral sex.

handy for sex

Move Beyond “Normal”

Trying different and new things keeps the excitement going. So, try different positions or invest in sex toys, such as beads, vibrators, or even feathers. Change the location and have a hot make-out session in your car! Just the thought of being naughty where you just might get caught can be very arousing. Play out your fantasies and try role-play. Dress up as the character to add to the excitement.

We have an entire list of things you could try to heighten arousal and experience mind-blowing orgasms, such as using a blindfold, trying bondage, anal stimulation and watching porn or participating in a webcam session together. Add your own favourites to this list.

Nurture Your Fantasy Life

Start with creating a sexy space. It doesn’t need elaborate preparations. Simply adding mood lighting, some scented candles and flowers could do the trick. Play music that gets you in the mood. Basically, you don’t want the space to look like the usual bedroom or home office. You want it to evoke intimacy. It might not seem so, but the brain really is the most important organ for amazing sex!

The next step is to build your fantasy life. This doesn’t need to be completely out there either, with all your bondage gear and leather. It can be simply playing doctor. But dress the part. Get a nurse’s costume and a doctor’s coat. You might also want to create your own porn. Have you ever recorded your sex sessions? You’ll never know how erotic it can be till you try. Watching the recordings together could be all you need to be ready for the next experience.

You could sext each other in your role-play character throughout the day. By the time you get together, you’re already at the quivering peak of anticipation.

Fantasy Life

Use Lubes

This is especially important for women experiencing vaginal dryness and for those practicing anal stimulation or sex. The key is to use water- or silicone-based lubricants to avoid any risk of infection. Gels and lubricants can also make using sex toys more pleasurable and prevent any pain or discomfort due to friction. Experiment with different lubes and see what works best for you.

Get Fit

Mild to moderate exercise, on a regular basis, helps with stamina in bed. It also boosts blood circulation, which is great for better erections. Of course, when you feel fit, you feel good about yourself, which boosts self-esteem. This is always beneficial for sex. If you’re looking to specifically strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, it could be a good idea to enrol for Pilates classes. As a women, you could practice Kegel exercises at home, after all, orgasms are essentially the spasming of the pelvic floor muscles. So, the stronger these muscles are, the more intense the orgasms might be. Men might choose to focus on muscle-building exercises for arms, chest and abs – essentially what you work out the most while having sex.

Bonus Tip

Intimacy doesn’t always come naturally on a regular day. So, make sure you make time for physical affection and intimacy. Go on a date or plan a weekend getaway for just the two of you. Spend that time learning about each other’s bodies and how best to arouse one another. Most importantly, don’t stress about the intimacy. Just have a good time together, relax and take your time.

There could also be times when it is important to seek professional advice. Consult your doctor if you are on medication that tends to impact libido and performance, such as blood pressure medication or antidepressants. If you’ve been facing issues with achieving or holding an erection, becoming aroused or reaching orgasm, consult a sex therapist. When you and your partner work together to overcome issues, it brings you together and enhances your bond.

And don’t hesitate to use sex toys, webcam sessions, online couple sex sessions, reading or watching erotica together and other sex aids. The aim is for everyone to have a good time.

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