The Anal Sex Guide for Beginners

So, you’re ready and wanting to try anal sex?  You’re not alone.  Anal-play can be so much fun, so long as you’re ready for it.  Unlike P to V sex, which many of us can just fumble our way through, you’re going to need to prepare for P to A.  Unless you’re using a ‘butt’ load of lube, you can’t just slide into anal sex (more on lube later).  In this guide, we’ll give you some of the basic dos and don’ts so you can get in on the action.

Sometimes, if you don’t know what you’re doing, you could cause yourself or your partner an injury – no one wants that!

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Talk is key

Like in all sexual experiences, it’s really important to talk to your partner and make sure their full consent is given.  Make sure you’re not doing anything you’re uncomfortable with, ever.

Communication throughout your first time on the A-Train is key, your partner won’t know what you’re feeling unless you tell them, was that a moan of pain or pleasure?  Tell them what feels good and what doesn’t.  This will help make anal sex better next time.

Start slowly!

The first time you board the A-Train may seem daunting.  Why not take a steamy shower together and allow your partner to gently massage you in that area with a soapy finger?  Being in the shower can also make you feel clean, a concern among first-timers.  Alternatively, try it out once you’ve already climaxed.  Our bodies are usually already relaxed and more perceptive to this type of stimulation.

Don’t jump straight in with a toy or the D, you need to be relaxed.  If you’re not relaxed, it’s going to be difficult and likely going to hurt.  When you’re ready, add another finger till you’re ready for penetration.

Slow and gentle stimulation of the area around the anus, the anus, the area just inside the anus and the prostate, if your partner has one.

This should build up your arousal and help you to relax.

Preparation checklist

  • Is your hygiene up to par?
  • Have you got condoms?
  • Have you got lube?
  • Have you cut and cleaned your fingernails?

Practice good hygiene

Okay, so we’ve all the heard rumours about the potential mess of anal sex and yes, we all know what comes out of there.  However, normally, you’re probably clear of any significant amount of poop.  By the time it enters your rectum, you’re usually already en route to the closest bathroom.  The anus and lower part of the rectum actually have very little material in them, which means it’s not as dirty as you’d think.

Usually, having a bowel movement up to an hour before and washing the area with soap and water will suffice.

After all, we all know what comes out, just prepare yourself that this might happen.  The quicker you get your head around this, the more comfortable you’re going to be with it.

Use protection

As with any type of sex, protection is important.  The risk of transmitting an STI is actually higher with anal sex.  This is because the lining of the anus is more prone to damage, which can open you up to infection.

So, unless you’re fluid-bonded with your partner (in a monogamous relationship, tested for STIs (and clear of any STIs)), be sure to use protection.

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Lube – you can’t have too much of it

Unlike a vagina, your butt doesn’t produce its own lubrication – it needs a bit of help.  Water-based lubricants are pretty popular amongst the seasoned.  If you’re using silicone sex toys, you can also use silicone-based lubes, it’s pretty slick and tends to last longer.  Remember oil-based lubes can damage condoms and toys.

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Okay, so this could have come under good hygiene, but it’s really important you ensure you have trimmed and clean fingernails.  Remember we talked about the lining of the anus being prone to damage above?  You don’t want to scratch yourself or your partner.  You could risk infection (not to mention you don’t want anything sharp up there).

Try a toy

Using a toy can be a great day to explore anal play.  Trying a small anal plug can get your body used to the sensation of fullness and let you decide whether or not it’s pleasurable to you.  Don’t go for anything with large in the title of it – it’s probably not going to end well… or even start.

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Is it safe?

Like any other kind of sex, anal sex can, of course, be safe.  Always make sure you’re taking the correct precautions.  But as you asked, here are the risks:

  • STIs – mentioned above.  Always use protection
  • Side effects – if you have haemorrhoids, be especially careful with anal sex, as it can cause irritation and contribute to a flare-up.  A much rarer but more severe potential side effect of anal sex is rectal perforation (a tear in the rectal tissue).  If you’re on the receiving end of anal penetration and experience bleeding or pain afterwards, see a doctor immediately.
  • Bacterial infections – never ‘double dip’ – if you’re switching from the A to the V, at very least, change the condom.  Switching from anal sex to vaginal sex in the same session can transmit bacteria from the anus into the vagina, increasing the risk of contracting a UTI, yeast infection, hepatitis A, bacterial vaginosis, and other bacterial infections

Not into it?

Simple – don’t do it.  Plenty of men and women find anal sex pleasurable but it’s not essential for great sex.  Sex is supposed to be fun and if it just doesn’t do it for you, it’s totally fine to stick to what you know and enjoy.


The most important thing about anal sex, like with any sexual act, is to make sure you’re actually excited about trying or experiencing it.  Don’t just do it because your partner wants to or you think you should.

The sexiest thing you could ever give your partner is, of course, consent, and a HELL YEAH!


DeviantDomme, blogged recently about this subject.  With her permission, we’ve shared her blog below.

"When it comes to anal play, I know that a lot of boys don't always have anal toys. There can be a variety of different reasons. No place to store them, fear of the other half finding out, budget constraints or simply, they're just not ready to commit to purchasing toys yet.

This is absolutely fine. And it doesn't mean you have to miss out. There is a range of things you can use around the house for anal play, as long as you use them wisely.

Good choices for toy substitutes are:
Root vegetables including carrots and parsnips.
Cucumbers/courgettes or if you're experienced - even a small marrow.
Candles (not lit of course)
A plastic rolling pin.
A plastic bottle which DOESN'T have sharp edges.

Bad choices for anal play:
Anything metal because your risk tearing the skin.
Anything wooden because you risk splinters.
Anything small without a wide base.
Anything with sharp edges.
Anything glass - NEVER use anything made of glass.

The thing to remember when it comes to anal play is the sphincter is a very strong muscle. If something goes in there, there is a danger of it getting sucked into there to the point where you can't get it out. I know some boys like to use the bottled of roll-on deodorant, but I definitely don't recommend this.

You'll notice that butt plugs have a wide t-shaped base. This is to ensure it doesn't all get inside you. They are designed that way for that very reason. Unless you have an ass wider than the Mersey tunnel, that butt plug isn't going totally inside you.

If you get something stuck up there, at the very least it involves a very embarrassing trip to casualty. At worse, you risk blocking the bowel - which can lead to serious health complications, some of which can be fatal. A blocked or perforated bowel is serious and far worse than the embarrassment of having to explain how said blockage got up there.

When it comes to using the recommended household items, remember that some, especially vegetables, will have bacteria and germs on them. Such bacteria could cause a nasty infection both in the gut, anus, colon and bowel. Never put anything inside your ass without putting a condom on it first. This includes sex toys. And always use a water-based lubricant. I know some boys like to use baby oil or similar. But remember the golden rule - oil and latex do not mix. Use oil on your ass and that condom is going to degrade.

The final thing I want to mention is the importance of hygiene. If you're just going to be using fingers, then either put a condom on your fingers or invest in some latex gloves. In the absence of both, make sure you only use one hand on your ass and the other on your penis. The human anus is full of bacteria. Simply putting your finger up your ass then using that same finger to stroke your cock could lead to nasty infections, including the dreaded cystitis. Remember how women are told to wipe front to back? That's because you don't want the bacteria in your rectum to enter your dick and ultimately, your bladder. Water infections are painful and can seriously put a dampener on your sex life.

There's nothing wrong with using items around the house for anal play. Just remember those all-important things:

Go slow.
Bag it up.
Use a suitable lubricant.
Don't use bigger than you can take.
Smooth and soft items only.
No metal, wood or anything with sharp edges.
And the front and back don't mix!

Got it? Good!"


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